Hoping for Something Bad to Happen

Until recently -- really recently -- I kept hoping bad things would happen to me so I could get drunk. I am a binge drinker, which is a nuanced difference from being an alcoholic. Fundamentally, though, I can't enjoy a beer with dinner. I want them all, however many are in my fridge.

I responded long ago by just not buying beer. That's worked pretty well. I have not been 100% perfect, but mostly I don't drink anymore (Note: Satan, this is NOT a challenge!). However, I kept wanting to drink.

Disclaimer: This isn't a blanket statement about drinking. If you are the type of person who can have a beer and stop there, good for you. This isn't about drinking, per se. This is about people like me that use it as a crutch and if they have a beer, they want two. If they have two, they are already planning on beer number four or wondering if they should walk down to the corner store for another six-pack lest they run out. People who aren't having a beer, but getting drunk. Jesus drank wine in the Bible. It's not the drink, it's the people, like me, drinking.

And, it's the wanting to drink. I actually would avoid praying for strength in this area because I didn't want strength, I did want to drink, even if I didn't actually break down and do it. I still had that nugget of rebellion, and I cherished it even as it was one of the major things between me and God (the rebellion, not the drinking). Will I ever drink again? Well, you know, there's a pretty good shot that I won't. I want to do what I always do and say "you never know" because it that statement softens failure. But, since I've been actually seeking to NOT want to drink I've had it a lot easier. Yes, I'm praying not to be tempted, but not being tempted only means I'm not fully in the game. Bruce Wilkinson writes that we are tempted and challenged by our Enemy (ole "You know who") if we pose a threat to him. If I'm not tempted I'm not posing a threat, and oh how I want to pose a threat. So, yes, I have been and will again be tempted, but the other thing I have been doing lately is immediately praying for help.

Praying for help is an option that almost never comes to my mind first. I'm getting better, but often I'll be trying to work but have my mind on, um, other things. You know, things you can find with a quick Google Image search. Or, I'll be stressed out by work, the kids, or whatever and start thinking about how great a beer would taste. Nowadays, for whatever reason, I remember to focus on God for a moment -- a moment is all it takes -- and then later that night or the next day I think, "whoa, I forgot all about that craving." I kid you not. It works. Yeah, I know... duh, but I didn't really think of it as an option. It is an option. It should be your first option.

I can't do any of this on my own. I've tried, I've failed. I'll always be tempted, but the combination of my desire to not drink (because I'm a binger) and the help from my Lord, I'm going to be fine. We'll know when I die.