I'm a prayer partner at Bay Area Fellowship. It's one of the half-dozen ministries I'm involved in. Basically, during one of the worship songs, we PP's (yeah, I know...) go hang out in the aisle and people who want someone to pray with them go out and you pray with them. This was the 3rd weekend I did it (I was gone last weekend). The previous two times, shyness won out; no one asked me to pray with them. This weekend, though, a woman asked me to pray for her daughter. I can pray out loud, it's not a big deal. I'm happy to do it, but I like to have a bit to prepare. I feel more comfortable when I have more control over the proceedings.

Clearly, I'm doing it wrong.

The woman, who was sitting alone in the back, and I went up to near the front to find her daughter (a young married woman). I went in thinking, "oh, no! What am I going to say?!?" but the words just came out. I'm actually thinking "what am I saying, what am I doing?" while I'm praying. I guess I think God was just saying, "yeah, I'm using your voice here, so just hang out for a minute, will ya? Don't try to take control. It's cool. I got it." And, when the song was over, the prayer wrapped up just as the last notes faded. We said "Amen" and the women were crying. Tears. Normally, when I make women cry it's not because of an emotional prayer!

I'm not about to take any credit for it. I can hardly remember the prayer anyway, I spent most of the time marveling that it was happening at all. Note to self, shut up and listen more often.

A little later, during the sermon, I had an uncomfortable moment. Now, some people aren't going to believe me here, but this is true: I've always been faithful, even to the girls in junior high or high school. I've never so much as kissed a girl while with another girl. Doesn't make me better than someone who hasn't been faithful, it's just one of the positive parts of me, while there are many negative parts. Part of it is lack of opportunity - I didn't exactly have groupies, okay? - but also a choice because some of my influences growing up didn't show such restraint and I didn't want to emulate that person in that way.

So, in service, Pastor Bil says something like "men, if you think that you will be happy by sleeping with this one or that one -- a secretary, best friends wife, etc -- then be prepared for the guilt..." etc. It wasn't even close to the meat of the sermon, just a thought he tossed in there. I'm pretty fidgety. I don't sit still well. During this little 2 minute section, I had crossed my left leg over my right and it was about time to switch to right-over-left. My back was a little sore, too. But, I couldn't do it at that time! No way. My wife knows I'm faithful, but I was worried about what all the people around me would think. (((psst, 'look at that guy, what the pastor said sure made him feel uncomfortable!'))). Sigh. So, I sat there for a couple more minutes, until well past the point and he'd moved on to something else. Then I shifted.

That's me in a nutshell. I worry way too much about what other people might think.